what's with my friends?

This is about two-three people in particular that I'm kind of pissed at. I probably won't tell them, because I could be pissed at them because of my own quirkiness and it really has nothing to do with them, idk...

So first there is P. P and another friend and I had been exchanging emails about getting together for lunch or dinner, so the other friend could come see my condo. Granted, P. has been annoyed with K. lately, but why should that impact me? So I email them both, there are a few emails exchanged then radio silence for a bit. Then P emails me slamming K b/c of her lack of communication/planning. So I take it upon myself to send another email to both of them. P doesn't respond at all and K calls me that same night. So, who deserves a good bitch slap here? I say P, but hey that's just me! Not to mention every time I look at her FB page I want to hit her--she's a Debbie Downer...grrrrrrrrrr...

And then there is J. J. helped me move and I am very thankful to her for that and has been up my butt to do something because she hasn't seen my place since I moved in. I have probably made plans with her 6 different times all of which she cancelled. And now every time she talks she wants me to go to her house (she has no car, mind you). And I want to yell: "I've seen your shit hole of an apartment and I really have no interest in watching a movie on your 20" analog television!!!!" GAWD! And she's another Deb Downer anyway, she's always freakin' pissed off at someone, I can't stand it.

Finally, there is K. She's a work friend. She sucks at her job and thinks she's great...She is forever the martyr and wants to be treated as such, when really we all work much harder than she does, we just don't make a point of letting everyone now how hard we work. Example, at Thanksgiving the students did a big "what are you thankful for" poster and wrote my name on it...she saw that, got pissed and wrote her name, 4 times, in 4 different colors on the damn thing...seriously?!?

So what do I do about this? Are these people "toxic" or just a pain in the ass? Sometimes I feel like they suck the life out of me. Of course I also feel like I owe them something because I feel like they have all been there for me at some point or another, but I'm beginning to think that was only to satisfy there own need for drama or distraction or something. Maybe I should just not let it bother me...

typical day...

So about 3 times today, I pulled up this page to write a blog because I was thinking I had something to say, then something would happen and I needed to go put out one of the many fires I deal with in any given day. This is the 4th time and now that I'm thinking about it...those 3 other times I was thinking/feeling very different things!

I realized it was just how a typical day for me. First thing this morning, I was thinking about about how great my friends are and who's in my "inner circle" and how that has changed over the last 6 years. Girlfriends, I love my girlfriends. I need my girlfriends. Then around 11:30ish I was having a great moment of clarity where I was thinking/feeling "this is all going to be okay;" "I'M going to be okay." Then 3pm rolls around and I was thinking/feeling about being angry with J still and how quickly that builds up when my memory is triggered. So now, I'm writing because I'm feeling lonely and I realize that that is what a typical day is like for me, and probably for anyone. I start off really freakin' strong and then by the end of the day I'm feeling pathetic and weak...which is really just about being lonely.

It's funny, because I have also come to realize that some of this is tied directly to "chatting" online.-My friends make me stronger-well, Cory, Sarah, Greg and Jen do anyway. There are some others, but those 4 I chat with the most at night. It's funny because I love watching my shows at night with them-I feel like they are sitting right here with me. It sounds a little crazy, I know...but it those moments when I am feeling my weakest, they are right there...

Ahhhhhhhhh the way my mind wakes some days...