blog what?

Sooo...I always think I have so much to say and then when I start to type, I can't figure out how to make it sound right...

The latest struggle is anger...but not...more frustration with a sadness twist. It still feels like everything I do I continue to compare to what I would've been doing if things had been different with "him". The house, the town, the job, the relationship status, the kids, everything should've been different and it isn't. I suppose it wouldn't bother me as much if I didn't know how he feels, but I do, because the shit head continues to tell me that he still loves me. Which really just adds to the anger that he won't/can't get off of his ass to do something about it. Then the anger starts because I know "she" is part of all of that and I wish she didn't put so many demands on him and I wish he wouldn't let her...it's all so stupid. The whole freakin' thing. Guilt makes people do stupid things.

We should both be over it by now, but we aren't. Why??? I wish I freakin' knew, it would probably make things easier for both of us. At least lie to me and tell me that you don't still love me...okay, maybe not.

That's enough for now...